Unfit To Be Tied

"If you meet your next boyfriend on Manhunt, I will eat a necktie."

I stared back at this pompous, cocky person who was mocking me right to my face. He happened to be one of my best friends, who I'll call MartiniFun.

"You're on!" I exclaimed.

"It will NEVER happen," he replied. "Manhunt.com is for fucking. That's it. You find someone to have sex with, and you never talk to them again. The site's tagline is 'Get On, Get Off'!"

I pinched the stem of my maraschino cherry and swirled it around my manhattan. "Some people on manhunt might want a boyfriend. Look - this profile says 'Not looking for hook-ups, looking to date.'"

"Really?" MartiniFun exclaimed, with sarcastic disbelief, "Which profile is that, the guy laying spread-eagle on the coffee table, or the one dipping his balls in the cool whip container?"

I sipped my cocktail and decided right then that I would prove him wrong, and serve him a hot plate of Necktie, no matter how long it took.

The first suitor who I thought could potentially fulfill my quest was Personal Chef. He was cute, charming and crazy in bed. It was all going well until I invited him as my plus one to a dinner party. It was at that point he revealed himself to be crazy out of bed as well. Drunk, immature and a big crazy mess. By the end of that night I had 86ed him.

Then came ChelseaRon. When I first met him, and we went on a couple dates, I thought he really had potential.

"I'm going on my third date with this one," I told MartiniFun one night. "But don't worry. I'm perfectly willing to let you chop up the necktie, and bake it into a pie. Or maybe turn it into a nice stew."

"I'm not worried," he replied arrogantly. "It won't last."

Once again, he was right.

It's not like I was actively searching for a boyfriend on Manhunt - far from it. But I'm always up for a date, or at least a drink, before jumping into bed with someone. And if that date leads to a second, or a third, or even to a (gasp) relationship, I am open to that . And if I can be open to it, yet occasionally browsing Manhunt, then why can't someone else with a similar mindset be browsing as well? Is it so wrong to suppress my cynicism for a few nano-seconds and think that two such browsers might meet in cyberspace?

Last night I texted MartiniFun.

D: I've met someone. He's tall, cute and sporty.

MF: Like Sporty Spice?

D: No, like he plays soccer, runs, all that stuff.

MF: Sounds hot. Where did you meet him?

D: Necktie Soup!

MF: Riiiiight. We'll see.

Yes we will.