To Thine Own Cell Be True

On a recent Friday in New York City, the evening began with cocktails upstairs at the Duplex on Christopher Street. TightLips and XJosh brought their whole crew from Astoria, and we began drinking, chatting, and gossiping. It didn't take long for the conversation to get interesting.

"How the hell do I reply to this guys text?" asked EverybodyLovesAden, snapping his phone closed.

"What's the problem?" asked XJosh.

"Well," explained EverybodyLovesAden, "He's just this guy that my fuck buddy knows. And the other night we had a threesome, and now this guy is texting me. He like, I dunno, wants to hang out or something?"

We all laughed.

"Well, what's the problem?" I asked. "So hang out with him – wasn't he hot?"

"Yeah, he was hot," said EverybodyLovesAden, "but I don't know anything about him. I barely know his name. Ron."

I immediately thought of a boy I knew named Ron, who I had been on about 4 dates with. The last date had actually been fairly recently. The sex was fun and he was pretty hot, unfortunately our personalities didn't quite click, so I didn’t see it going anywhere serious. Still, I thought about hanging out with him again. That is, until EverybodyLovesAden’s story gave me a strange uneasy feeling.

"Ron huh," I said to EverybodyLovesAden, "I know someone named Ron. I wonder if it's the same guy."

He chuckled, and so did TightLips.

"Like there's only 1 gay Ron in New York," TightLips laughed.

"I dunno," I replied, "where does he live?"

"I told you I don't know anything about him," said EverybodyLovesAden, "but my fuck buddy lives in Chelsea, so probably around there."

My Ron also lived in Chelsea. Of course, so did half of gay New York.

"Is he cute?" I asked.

"Duh," said EverybodyLovesAden.

"Ok, how tall is he? On the shorter side?"

"Ummmm," EverybodyLovesAden considered this. "Maybe, but I wouldn't say short…"

"How about his body," I asked, now somewhat obsessed. "Toned? With very little body hair?"

"Oh my god," said EverybodyLovesAden, rolling his eyes, "You've just described nine-tenths of Chelsea."

Despite his brushing me off as being silly, I had a sinking feeling that I was right. I just needed a way to prove it. I took a long sip of my cocktail.

"I wonder if it's David's guy," giggled TightLips. "That would be amazing!" I shot him a dirty look.

"So how are you going to reply to the text?" Asked XJosh.

"AH HA!" I shouted.

They all looked at me like I was crazy.

"The TEXT." I emphasized.

They didn't change their expressions.

"He texted you," I explained, like I was talking to a room of first-graders, "so that means you have his number in your phone. I have MY guy's number in MY phone, so all we have to do is COMPARE, to know if it's the same guy!"

TightLips kept giggling, while XJosh said "Ohhhh, good idea." EverybodyLovesAden pulled out his cell phone.

As I began scrolling through my contacts to the R's, I suddenly felt a bit nervous. Of course I wanted to be right, because I love nothing more than being right. But at the same time, part of me was hoping it wasn't the same guy. It was completely irrational of me: I had no ties to this person, I'd certainly slept with other people and I’m sure he had too, and certainly through the years I'd slept with some of the same boys as EverybodyLovesAden. But somehow as his number appeared on my screen, I felt really nervous.

"OK," said EverybodyLovesAden, waiting for me to read the number.

"I…" I hesitated. "I'm afraid to look!"

"Oh give it to me," exclaimed XJosh, who was sitting between us. "I'll look."

I sighed, and handed him my phone. EverybodyLovesAden did the same. He looked for a second at mine, then looked at EverybodyLovesAden's. He looked up. "It's the same guy."

"BWA HA HA!" TightLips burst into hysterics. "That's amazing!!"

"I knew it," I mumbled, shaking my head.

"Wow," said EverybodyLovesAden. "Sorry?"

He looked at me. I looked at him. Then we both started laughing too. What else was there to do?